so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize