Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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