Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
