That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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