i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have aggressive nipples.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
