Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
