If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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