So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
