My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
