hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
