2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
