called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
