So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
