my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
