He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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