none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
