I want to stick my p in your. b.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
