All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
