to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
