you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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