If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
