And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
