Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
