drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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