oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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