Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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