Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sorry my hands just texted you
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
