We got so high we made milksteak
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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