Where are you?
In a non slutty way
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
