The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
