so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
