I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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