just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
