Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
