I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
