A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
