and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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