Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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