we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
