So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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