Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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