after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
