i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
