ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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