the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
