I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
