I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
