I heard we made out
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize