No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
