Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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