Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
