My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize