Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
