Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
