Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
