alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
