4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
