you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
