the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
