he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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