6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
