I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
