Dual....:-)
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
