I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize