but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
