a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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