We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
