The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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