Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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