this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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