I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
