how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
