how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
