I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize