Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
