I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
