Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
