My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
