i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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