You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
